The fresh new Hampshire: Rich But Ashamed About any of it

The fresh new Hampshire: Rich But Ashamed About any of it

Look at the ways he happily smiles upwards from the you from your own cellular phone screen as he dangles their Connect of the day amongst the foot off their luggage shorts-clad feet! You comprehend people purse are only full of carabiners, hooks, and you will zip-links! Think of the sweet Boy Scout your decided to go to basic college or university with. Think about how they was very of use and you may realized all of the different categories of knots? Ok, today picture them grown-up-and refusing to help you Venmo you $250 to have his half brand new abortion. Now picture your ascending on the sunlight, that he calls “nature’s noisy alarms.” Really, I don’t know that is bad.

Nebraska: This new Armchair Quarterback

You experienced about three (3) java tables this present year since your boyfriend, a keen armchair quarterback away from Nebraska, won’t end smashing them inside frustration whenever his team seems to lose. He categorically refuses to accept that the players cannot listen to him out-of their family room and you may, thus, their blog post-fumble “Get real. ” shout is deafening. All Saturday, unfailingly, you’re often enjoying your call all advisor and member a great banging moron, otherwise cold at the tailgate – never from the actual games, even though. He’s going to never overcome one seasons and then he is actually almost a third-sequence walking-on kicker toward Huskers, and because he talks about everything this new damn day, none can you.

Nevada: Brand new Perma-Bachelor

Only if my fit fit me including Bradley Cooper’s performed on the Dangle over, thinks the fresh new Vegas Fuckboy, then my life would be over. Here the guy happens, prowling from bar along with his clothing undone that key also many, slurring his terminology and you will sloshing his martini. If perhaps they tasted as good as they look, the guy wonders so you can himself. Never ask your when planning on taking regarding his eyeglasses, since they are covering up a pair of crusted, bloodshot vision which were shortly after simple and you may laden with lifetime. He or she is today a strolling cluster servers, repeated to help you his family unit members: “You’re getting partnered? Loser! This is the single lives for me personally, brah!”, being unsure of he will getting condemned to enhance a paunch, assist his expensive suit be stained and horrible, and get one of the Vegas slot machine grandmothers, thumbing house into host and you will ingesting a two-liter bottle from diet plan Coke, aspiring to earn the new honor off his lost youngsters.

“Hey girl, did not I see you from the Tri-Kap dager last week?” try a frequent beginning gambit of one’s This new Hampshire Fuckboy exactly who is Rich But Ashamed About it. A beneficial Dartmouth people through and through, he is the ultimate eyes regarding switch-downs, khaki shorts, and you may a good blazer which are worn at formals and from the his father’s boat pub. Query your downright if they are rich, he will be quick to tell your their members of the family you should never individual an excellent private spraying – it’s merely a risk into the a discussed G6 anywhere between a number of my personal dad’s company couples. And then he does not have any a residence to the Nantucket, it’s simply a little summer house for the seashore nearby the Obamas’ lay. A fun key if you wish to set your towards the destination – inquire your so you can pronounce title out of his very costly observe (Audemars Piguet) and see him squirm.

The fresh Mexico: Brand new Connect

The fresh new Mexico, they do say, is the residential property away from spell, a wasteland where your own journey ambitions can come genuine. It is closer to a dusty headache where men smell of particles and smegma. Your North american country fuckboy, if they are from Albuquerque, was too eager to make suggestions sites of Breaking Bad – you know, one family you can toss a pizza onto, or that amazingly meth motel – because that’s all he’s got. You to, and his awesome “I’m the person who knocks” shirt (stained), a broad-brimmed hat (will not match), and you may Heisenberg glasses (in fact a small strict so they really look into the and leave yellow, welt-such as indents with the his lead). If he could be away from Santa Fe, assume a comparable but with discussions regarding the Ayahuasca very monotonous it is possible to need certainly to hurl oneself off of the cliffs during the Los Alamos.

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